After spending much time pouring over statistical data and reading expert opinions I have reached a conclusion on who will win this year's Super Bowl and the winner will be the.....
The data I used to reach this conclusion was hotness, coolest hair (facial and head) and who had the funnest last names to say. In the next three paragraphs I will explain how I decided to pick the Patriots over the Giants.
Let's work our way backwards on the data collected and start with funnest last names to say. The NY Giants ran away with this one with some awesome last names. The Patriots had some good ones also but fell short because they had more tongue twisters then funny ones.
Giants:
1. Prince Amukamara
2. Henry Hynoski
3. Mathias Kiwanuka
4. Spencer Paysinger
5. Bear Pascoe
6. Osi Umenyiora.
Patriots
1. Stephen Gostkowski
2. Rob Gronkowski
3. James Ihedigbo
4. Niko Koutouvides
5. Zoltan Mesko
*I am refusing to acknowledge Chad Ochocinco in this catergory because I find the fact that he changed his last name from Johnson to his jersey number utterly narcissistic and ridiculous.
** Also, Ochocinco is eight five not eighty five like his actual number.The man has enough money to buy himself Rosetta Stone and learn his jersey number was actually ochenta y cinco in Spanish.
The next category of data was coolest hair. This ranged from facial hair to hair on the head and the Patriots ran away with this category with fu manchued lineman and some rocking old school Kid 'n Play flat tops. Check out the awesomeness below.
This is # 70 Logan Mankins and his awesome mustache during a press conference.
He scores double points for also sometimes looking like this:
Next fabulous facial fuzz belongs to #62 Ryan Wendell with his so bad it's good mustache.
He gets extra credit also for rocking this look here..
Now on to the hairstyles. First up is #10 Tiquan Underwood with his 1980s Kid 'n Play hi-top fade.
Although, I'm not really sure how that fits into a helmet. At least not comfortably.
However; Tiquan does lose points for this look...
 |
| Image courtesy of mediagallery.usatoday.com |
Seriously, fugly. Why he'd ever walk out in public like this I don't. I'm amazed. But as my friend, Jana, always said "If you can wear it with confidence, you can wear it."
But I'm quick to forgive when he does this to show his superior team commitment...
#11 Julian Edelman has the best stereotypical long and disheveled bad boy hair.
*I must note that he has since cut his luscious locks but since this the official picture the Patriots used, that's how I'm basing my judgment.
#59 Gary Guyton won points for the Pats by having the best use of string. He has red and blue string wrapped around one dread on each side of his face. Check it out...
The colored string reminds me of something a third grader would do on a vacation to an island destination. These images below further proves my point that Guyton has the hair style of a 8-9 year old girl.
The Giants are severely lacking in awesome and outlandish hairstyles and definitely have no one with fun facial hair. Here is the best I could scrounge up.
#5 Steve Weatherford.
He looks like a real life Jimmy Neutron with his ice cream cone curl. Doubt me? Check out this picture below of Jimmy Neutron and try to tell me differently.
Go ahead and try. I'll wait........
The next one is #57 Jacquian Williams...
I really just put it in because I hate it. I hate how it looks like he had a line cut in to make a part and he looks ridiculous. Not as bad as Tiquan's old man, tiger cut (really nothing is) but it's still dumb. Keep it level because your head now resembles stairs.
The last one is #69 Justin Trattou...
I honestly just included him because his hair here kind of resembles Nick Nolte's in that infamous mug shot photo.
See what I mean? The crazy unkempt locks they are both sporting here. Which leads me to a tiny rant. Gentleman, if you are going to have long hair then take care of it. Keep it nice and keep it clean. Nothing is more unattractive than a man with long greasy, stringy, crazy, unkempt hair. Well except for maybe this...
The final deciding factor is hotness. Each side has some serious lookers but the Patriots take this one for me. It's kind of obvious that the Pats would take this one since they have Tom Brady on their team. However; I did give the Giants a fair shake on this one but they just couldn't compete with the hotness going on in New England. Let's check out the Giants best looking players first.
The first cutie is #13 Ramses Barden.
Next is superstar #80 Victor Cruz.
Lastly is cutie #39 Tyler Sash.
Now it's time to look at the cutest team in the Super Bowl this year.
First and foremost there is Tom Brady aka the prettiest man in the league. Check him it out in full glory below.
And again here...
The next New England cutie is Rob Gronkowski.
Good looks (and athleticism) must run in the Gronkowski bloodline because check out Rob with his brothers below.
Now look at Wes Welker.
And again...
Next is baby faced Nate Solder.
Up next is heavily tattooed hottie Aaron Hernandez.
Check out his unfinished back piece...
Julian Edelman also returns for this category.
It took a lot of tiring hours of research and analysis to come to this conclusion but it had to be done. I won't actually be cheering for either team playing this year since I don't actually care who wins but I won't be surprised at all if the New England Patriots win since they are the hottest team playing in Super Bowl XLVI.
No comments:
Post a Comment